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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of indignity. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently pointless endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to couples who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {